Finally… the King… has come back… to YORKSHIRE! Can you smell what the King is cooking? King Henry VIII is serving up a hearty dish of betrayal, with a side order of royal butchery.
The Tudors Season 3 Episode 3 saw Henry’s inevitable return to murder. After meeting with the King, Mr. Aske is assured that all the pilgrims will receive a general pardon, and a parliament will be instated of the people. Aske even got a nice little “pleather” coat out of the deal - well it was more like lamb skin. Unfortunately, his fellow pilgrims don’t trust the words of the King, and begin to once again raise arms to plead their case. Henry, reneging on the peaceful resolution promised by the Duke of Suffolk, uses this latest uprising to satisfy his bloodlust.
In one quick move, the Duke of Suffolk and his men crush the rebellion. Not only did we get to see our first execution by hanging this season. Although it’s supposed to be a sad moment, watching loved ones try to push your legs up and save you from suffocating if you’re neck didn’t already snap, you’ve got to find those scenes humorous nowadays. You would think that these people would have seen enough hangings by now to know that this never works. I get it. Hope. But, this isn’t some fantasy movie where a guy named Robin Hood will pop out of the woods with a group of Merry Men. There are no noose-saving arrows in the Tudors. When you’re sentenced to death - you die. On the “positive side” we also got to see a few heads impaled on the Tower of London. Now, that’s how you Feng Shui Tudors style.
The real story, however, lies underneath the death and betrayals in the kingdom. If you watched any of the bonus features in The Tudors Season 2 DVD, you may have stumbled across “The Descendents of Henry featurette.” Now, there were some important details left out of this featurette for avid fans to discover. If you watched episode 3 closely, you would have seen a little Easter egg. Henry has commissioned Hans Holbein, the great Dutch painter, to paint the Lady Ursula Misseldon naked. Do you see where I’m going with this? Showrunner Michael Hirst is actually hinting that King Henry VIII may be the great ancestor of Hugh Hefner or Larry Flynt.
Right now you’re thinking, “Whoa, that’s totally out of left field.” Not true. Think about it. What was the big scene in episode 3? The reintroduction of Elizabeth to the King. Decendants. See the connection?
No?
How about this: Both Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner made a business out of their love for pornography. King Henry VIII - likes porn too! Duh - Connection! Henry could just sleep with his mistresses. But, where’s the fun in that when you can get a “great Dutch painter” to make a few nude portraits for you. Boom… Another connection. Both Hefner and Flynt take pride in getting the top photographers to really capture the lewd beauty of porn.
Now, the real question is who is the real descendant of Henry? Is it Flynt or Hefner? After much research and thought - digging through countless history books with a lot of dust - I came to the conclusion that Hugh Hefner is descendant Hirst was hinting at in Episode 3. Yes, Henry’s taste in pornography isn’t what you’d get in your Hustler magazine. It’s tasteful and artistic. You see Ursula’s back as she coyly stairs back at you through the mirror. Answer solved.
By the way, Queen Jane is with child and has a nagging thirst for quail eggs. Quail eggs… Easter eggs? Connection! And, no, I’m not reaching.
In episode 4 of the Tudors season 3, the Duke of Suffolk must journey north and execute the remaining pilgrims. His wife however prays for his soul, hoping that her husband will not carry out the King’s malevolent decree.
“Leud”? “Quale”? Are you semi-literate? “Yes!” “Answer solved!” (Problem solved. Ugh.)
Oops-typo: “the people ARE pulling on their legs” rather than “and”. Suffocation can be a long,slow, painful death. That’s why pulling on the hanged man/woman was a privilege.
When your loved ones are hanging, the people and pulling on their legs rather than pushing them up to prevent suffocation. Pulling on them hastens their death. It was considered a privilege to be allowed close enough to the bodies to do so. I imagine they can thank Suffolk for that.
Copy edit please — it’s “quail”, not “quale”.